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You can never take life (or yourself) too seriously. I probably have a bigger collection of lawyer jokes than most people and want to share some tidbits with you along the way. If you have a good joke about lawyers, realtors, mortgage originators or others in the professional world please do not hesitate to send them to us and if they qualify we will post them. Please keep them clean and not too mean (I have plenty of those!) - we love a good laugh.
For you Mortgage Originators:
JUST REWARDS
I died or so it seemed, Then I went to heaven But only in my dream Up there St Peter met me Standing at the pearly gate, He said "I must check your record Please stand here and wait." He turned and said "Your record Is covered with terrible flaws, On earth I see you rallied For every losing cause." I see that you drank alcohol And smoked and used drugs too, Fact is, you've done everything A good person should never do. We can't have people like you up here Your life was full of sin, Then he read the last of my record Took my hand and said "Come in." He led me up to the big boss and said "Take him in and treat him well", He used to work in Mortgage Lending, He's done his time in hell". THE TITLE SEARCH A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin." Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?" They got it. Grounds for Divorce A lawyer was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied,"We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes.'" "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the lawyer asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." |
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